Mad Mummy Moments #1

Mad Mummy Moments. After 14 years of parenting I have had my fair share! I think I have finally moved out of baby brain territory but I am not sure that this is a blessing because I now do stupid things AND realise that I’ve done them!

Several moments really stand out in my mind and have passed into family folklore. They are pulled out of the hat every time someone wants to show how dim I can be. The children tell them with affection bordering on condescension.

This one happened in IKEA in Bristol. I think many Mum’s have an IKEA nightmare story. IKEA is the Bermuda Triangle of sanity.

I had survived flat pack hell and plastic paradise with a toddler and a tiny baby. I had piled my trolley high and was excited at the prospect of the whole new me all these products would bring about. My house, and therefore my life, would be transformed. I had STORAGE!

For those of you unfamiliar with IKEA’s peculiar parking arrangements of 12 years ago, once you had paid for your stuff and reloaded it into your trolley you then had to abandon your products, fetch your car and drive it round to your waiting trolley. Still thinking about the marvellous prospect of packing my unnecessary stuff into stacking boxes and of organising the boys’ bedrooms with primary coloured plastic stowaways, I parked my trolley next to an IKEA attendant with a “Can you keep an eye on this please while I fetch my car?” He looked a bit startled and I was muttering about it “being your job mate” and “honestly, there’s no such thing as service” under my breath as I led The One Who Is Now Taller Than Me across the car park.

The One (Who Was Then Much Smaller Than Me) started tugging at my hand and I dragged my mind away from the lovely storage plots and plans which were buzzing round my head.

“Yes love, what is it?” I hoped he didn’t need a wee as the thought of negotiating my way back into the store was not a happy one.

“Shouldn’t we have the baby Mummy?”


I returned at a sprint to the rather startled man in the over-stretched overall who was holding my trolley at arm’s length to show it didn’t belong to him.

“I’m so sorry,” I panted, “I didn’t mean you had to mind the baby!”

“Mad Woman” said his face.

So come on, spill the beans, what has been your maddest mummy moment? I have SO many more!

(For the record, I think IKEA is fab and I have been back since! Actually, that reminds me of another story…!)


Filed under Parenting

25 responses to “Mad Mummy Moments #1

  1. LMAO!!!!!!!!!! Am planning an ikea trip tomorrow. Isn;t that how every mother spends her daughter’s 13 birthday with her???

  2. This has me in stictches, how funny!!

    I dont like Ikea at all and I have to take my mum next week – argggg

  3. That’s brilliant, I had that guy had a story to tell when he got home!! I have had lots of mummy mad moments but will try and think of one!

    CJ xx

  4. Oh, there are so many! But perhaps most memorable was the temper tantrum at the grocery store during which my toddler threw herself on the linoleum, thrashed around revealing the fact that she was NOT wearing underwear. She always liked feeling “free,” and I never thought much about letting her be so. But the looks she garnered there on the floor, genitals flashing, made me want to die on the spot. She is now a very respectable grown up, thank heaven. molly

    • How funny!๐Ÿ™‚ I remember one of mine going to school sans underwear. Its absence was noted in PE. When I asked the child in question why no pants, the reply was “I wanted to see what it would feel like Mummy”

      • Ha ha. That reminds me of my scary mummy moment. We were at the park and they had set up a bouncy castle. My daughter got on and after a few jumps fell back, dress up around her head, to reveal a completely bare bottom (& the rest). Yes I too had forgot to put pants on. There were tons of parents all standing around watching their kiddies bounce and of course everyone started laughing. I almost left her there it was so embarrassing!!!

  5. So funny lol. I don’t think I have forgotten one of my children yet, though I have a vague memory floating around the back of my head that just won’t come to the surface. I still have baby brain though๐Ÿ˜€ Jen.

  6. itsasmallworldafterallfamily

    I have never taken my children to IKEA. Therefore I have never forgotton one of them. If I had, I’m sure I would. I frequently walk home from school and realise that one of them didn’t cross the road with me…

    • Lol! I have a friend who also has 4 children and has been known to collect one from school and leave another one behind! It was not until the school office rang her that she realised!

  7. I was left behind in the shops by my mother who actually went home and got stuff in the cupboards before remembering she’d started out with a pram and a baby. Some think it explains a lot…

  8. Not long ago I picked DD up from her school and headed back home intending to pick up DS from nursery en route. We were chatting away and as I turned to look in rear view mirror to reverse onto drive I realised the back seat was empty…..

    Luckily he didn’t notice mummy was late and I narrowly avoided a late fee from nursery… Two weeks later I nearly did it again but did a 360 on a roundabout before I’d got all the way home…

  9. Paula

    LOL!! I make it my policy to try and lose at least one in ‘Children’s Ikea’ on every trip there. Oh and yes, I remember that parking policy from the Wembley days – sheer madness! x

    • I had to edit this post cos hub told me my info was out of date…am off to IKEA asap secure in the knowledge that I can push my over filled trolley right up to my boot!…bit over excited!

  10. Oh lordie!! They take half your brain these babies don’t they? After three I can’t really be held responsible for anything I do anymore imho๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Thankfully our local(ish) Ikea has a soft play area which I am fully hoping that my son has reached the desired height for, as there is no way I am going there again with him.

    Actually I shouldn’t go with t’husband either, in fact I don’t know who plays up the most. I think if there were a divorce lawyer next to the hot dogs they’d do brisk business.

  12. saz

    definately a MMM moment…

    saz x (FFF and MMM)

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