Mad Mummy Moments. After 14 years of parenting I have had my fair share! I think I have finally moved out of baby brain territory but I am not sure that this is a blessing because I now do stupid things AND realise that I’ve done them!
Several moments really stand out in my mind and have passed into family folklore. They are pulled out of the hat every time someone wants to show how dim I can be. The children tell them with affection bordering on condescension.
This one happened in IKEA in Bristol. I think many Mum’s have an IKEA nightmare story. IKEA is the Bermuda Triangle of sanity.
I had survived flat pack hell and plastic paradise with a toddler and a tiny baby. I had piled my trolley high and was excited at the prospect of the whole new me all these products would bring about. My house, and therefore my life, would be transformed. I had STORAGE!
For those of you unfamiliar with IKEA’s peculiar parking arrangements of 12 years ago, once you had paid for your stuff and reloaded it into your trolley you then had to abandon your products, fetch your car and drive it round to your waiting trolley. Still thinking about the marvellous prospect of packing my unnecessary stuff into stacking boxes and of organising the boys’ bedrooms with primary coloured plastic stowaways, I parked my trolley next to an IKEA attendant with a “Can you keep an eye on this please while I fetch my car?” He looked a bit startled and I was muttering about it “being your job mate” and “honestly, there’s no such thing as service” under my breath as I led The One Who Is Now Taller Than Me across the car park.
The One (Who Was Then Much Smaller Than Me) started tugging at my hand and I dragged my mind away from the lovely storage plots and plans which were buzzing round my head.
“Yes love, what is it?” I hoped he didn’t need a wee as the thought of negotiating my way back into the store was not a happy one.
“Shouldn’t we have the baby Mummy?”
I returned at a sprint to the rather startled man in the over-stretched overall who was holding my trolley at arm’s length to show it didn’t belong to him.
“I’m so sorry,” I panted, “I didn’t mean you had to mind the baby!”
“Mad Woman” said his face.
So come on, spill the beans, what has been your maddest mummy moment? I have SO many more!
(For the record, I think IKEA is fab and I have been back since! Actually, that reminds me of another story…!)